How to Be Good Christian Parents – Biblical Tips and Boundaries With Kids

How to be good Christian parents: these biblical tips – from grace and prayer to discipline, fun, and forgiveness – come from raising our own kids.

(Acts 17:11: Please learn to do your own Bible studies like this one – here.)

Do I, Peter Skov, Have Authority to Speak About This?

My good wife and I have 3 amazing and deeply loved children + one amazing and deeply loved son-in-law.

Our daughter is married to our son-in-law, and they have given us our grandson. They all freely love and serve Jesus and us, and themselves, and others with their whole hearts and have done so their whole lives (not perfectly – but going for it).

They all have unique giftings and callings they are living out and they are all seeking to be or are already married to God-loving spouses. Amazingly – my wife’s parents’ 5 children, all their spouses, and all their children are also all lovers of Jesus, church, and actively involved in ministry.

1 Timothy 3:1-5 1 Here is a trustworthy saying: Whoever aspires to be an overseer desires a noble task. 2 Now the overseer is to be above reproach, faithful to his wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, 3 not given to drunkenness, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. 4 He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him, and he must do so in a manner worthy of full respect. 5 (If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God’s church?)

How have we managed to do this – while navigating moves across the country, leading and church, closing it, and being a part of several churches, dealing with a great financial debt from the 2008 financial crisis, and personal sins, much of the time (2004 till 2021) I was watching porn) and other challenges?

1

Grace and Prayer!!

But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect. No, I worked harder than all of them—yet not I, but the grace of God that was with me.

1 Corinthians 15:10

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

Ephesians 2:8-10

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:6-7

Mona and I have not been perfect – as a matter of fact sometimes we have been the exact opposite. But by the grace of God – we keep getting back up into grace when and if we fall.

How have we managed to keep realizing we are being loved by God by grace, and serving Him back, and leading our kids to have their own genuine faith? The grace of God!

God has worked in and with us as we have done some things right and have sought to give the most precious thing we have – our faith – our best friendship – with the Father, God, the Son, Jesus, and the Holy spirit. By the grace of God, we are who we are.

While the grace of God in us – has not been without effect. And by prayer and petition, we choose to come before God – our Daddyo.

2

Humility & Repentance & Brokenness!!

Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.

James 4:10

Mark 1:15 (parentheses are my explanations) – “The time has come,” he said. “The kingdom of God has come near. Repent (stop thinking what is wrong and a lie – that God is evil) and believe the good message (that God is fully good and absolutely for us – by looking only to the cross)!”

Be real. Say sorry to your kids when you have done wrong! Say sorry to your spouse when you have done something wrong. Humility is repentance and brokenness – and being real about your mistakes – while knowing you are fully loved by God through the blood and cross of Jesus. It is to continually re-realizing – I am best friends with Daddy.

3

Be a Genuine and Real God-seeker Yourself – Be Obedient to All His Commands

I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the LORD.”

Jeremiah 29:11-14

This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.

John 15:8

Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

Matthew 28:18-20

If you love me, keep my commands.

John 14:15

Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken the love you had at first. Consider how far you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first. If you do not repent, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place.

Revelation 2:4-5

Wholeheartedly, yourself, first, seek God and obey God – and bear much fruit to His glory.

4

Raw Real Felt Heart to Heart Love!!

Jesus looked at him and loved him. “One thing you lack,” he said. “Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.” At this the man’s face fell. He went away sad, because he had great wealth.

Mark 10:21-22

So he got up and went to his father. “But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.

Luke 15:20

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Romans 5:8-9

Love them fully and wholeheartedly when they have done nothing to deserve it – even when they least deserve it. And honor and see them and love them when they have done something awesome. Let hugs, cuddles, physical affirmation as well as loving words, and words of pride and thankfulness abound.

5

Discipline

Ephesians 6:4 (AMP) – Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger [do not exasperate them to the point of resentment with demands that are trivial or unreasonable or humiliating or abusive; nor by showing favoritism or indifference to any of them], but bring them up [tenderly, with lovingkindness] in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Keep you word! We strongly believe in consequences. Do not threaten with punishment for bad behavior – and when the bad behavior then happens, that the consequential discipline doesn’t happen. Then they cannot trust your words of love either!

Do your best that the consequences of bad actions – the discipline – is right for the age, abilities, and personality of each child – or they will resent you and be broken and rebel.

This is an area where we have definitely not been perfect and have expected too much at times – and too little at other times. We have said sorry to them for that and they have forgiven us.

Books: Boundaries – Henry Cloud (Author), John Townsend (Author)

6

Church Fellowship

And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of His return is drawing near.

Hebrews 10:25

We, ourselves, personally and together make it as much of a non-negotiable to be a stable part of a living Christian fellowship.

Our attitude, language, and action at home has always reflected this: As long as our kids live under our roof – we go to church, and we all serve as we can in church. Church fellowship has the same commitment level as our jobs or going to school.

And then we do all we can to be in a healthy, good, fun, amazing Biblically based fellowship. And we lift up that fellowship in prayer and support – while also leaving if it is not healthy enough (while no fellowship is perfect) or as God leads us on.

7

Invest in Your Kids to Meet God Personally

Buy truth, and do not sell it; buy wisdom, instruction, and understanding.

Proverbs 23:23

My son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you, turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding – indeed, if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the LORD and find the knowledge of God. For the LORD gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding. He holds success in store for the upright, he is a shield to those whose walk is blameless, for he guards the course of the just and protects the way of his faithful ones. Then you will understand what is right and just and fair – every good path. For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul. Discretion will protect you, and understanding will guard you.

Proverbs 2:1-11

Whatever it takes – whatever the price. We have done all we can to get the best kids Bibles to read with them. We have driven across the country for them to form good friendships with good Christian kids.

We have invested in great love-heart-Bible-Holy Spirit church camps for them – for them to have even stronger personal God-encounters. And we have always – every year – gone to big country and church-wide church camps where we as a whole family were there to worship God together.

And we have always been a part of or ourselves leading home fellowships where we also navigated that with our kids the very best we could.

8

Live It Out Yourself First

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” – which is the first commandment with a promise – “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”

Ephesians 6:1-3

What you live out and believe first, your kids will see it and follow you – they are made to do that. It’s natural. The more wise, on-fire, truly loving, free, and truthful and holy and non-religious you are – the more they will see that and follow you. You, parent, are their biggest hero.

9

Make It as Fun and Loving as Possible

For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit, because anyone who serves Christ in this way is pleasing to God and receives human approval. Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification.

Romans 14:17-19

We have done all we can to ensure we help our kids both enjoy church and serve in church. We have even been willing to say they do not need “youth jobs” if they volunteered actively in the Kingdom instead – like we have always done, and we would then give them pocket money instead as well.

10

Ensure Your Kids Have Their Own God Encounters

Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to such as these.”

Matthew 19:14

That which was from the beginning, which we have heard, which we have seen with our eyes, which we have looked at and our hands have touched – this we proclaim concerning the Word of life. The life appeared; we have seen it and testify to it, and we proclaim to you the eternal life, which was with the Father and has appeared to us. We proclaim to you what we have seen and heard, so that you also may have fellowship with us. And our fellowship is with the Father and with his Son, Jesus Christ.

1 John 1:1-3

They triumphed over the accuser by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death.

Revelation 12:11

They said to the woman, “We no longer believe just because of what you said; now we have heard for ourselves, and we know that this man really is the Savior of the world.”

John 4:42

Every night when our kids were small, we would pray for them, and pray with them and read for them and sing a simple Christian kids-song with them before they slept. When they learned to pray – they simply repeated our simple prayer – and went solo from there.

We have taken our kids to be prayed for by apostles and prophets to hear from Heaven and to hear the plans of Heaven for them. We have ensured they were baptized in the Holy Spirit and spoke in tongues.

We have ensured they have gone through inner healing and deliverance – as we have ourselves.

11

Ensure the kids have good Christian friends and enjoyable Christian activities – while also seeing work and suffering is part of it

Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.”

1 Corinthians 15:33

So, in the same way – good company creates good character.

Be raw and real. It is not always fun to go to work, to go to school – or to go to church, pray, read, lead people to faith, and help people grow in the faith. There is real energy, real work, real people, real disappointments, and real joys involved.

12

Let It Not All Be About Only Prayer, Bible, and Church

Eat honey, my son, for it is good; honey from the comb is sweet to your taste. Know also that wisdom is like honey for you: If you find it, there is a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off.

Proverbs 24:13-14

Both were running, but the other disciple outran Peter and reached the tomb first.

John 20:4

Enjoy the good and fun things in life. Enjoy nature. Enjoy sports. Have good vacations – see good healthy fun action movies. Play board games. Enjoy long walks and sweet talks. Enjoy sabbath delight.

13

Dad and Mom Love Jesus First, Then Love Each Other, Then Love the Kids

“The most important one,” answered Jesus, “is this: ’Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ’Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.”

Mark 12:29-31

That ensures a strong foundation in God, and then a strong marriage friendship, and that love, strength, truth, honor, and reality naturally filters into the kids.

14

Get Personal Full Inner Healing and Deliverance

Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

James 4:7

Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings. And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.

1 Peter 5:8-10

Get to know your “family of origin”, your gray areas, where you have sins that you didn’t even know were bad, “truths” which are actually “lies of the family” – for “your family has always been like this”, it is normal to you – but not in the kingdom of God.

Then also personally first go through deep inner healing and full interrogation style generational curse breaking deliverance to ensure there are no “buggers”, little defeated demons hanging around in or around you causing havoc. So many more than the global church realizes today need this.

I recommend a full spiritual check-up like this for all Christians at least once a year + if something is somehow off. And I recommend for all to learn effective self-deliverance.

15

Share the Stories of the Goodness and Power and Reality of God with Your Kids

When you enter the land that the LORD will give you as he promised, observe this ceremony. And when your children ask you, ’What does this ceremony mean to you?’ then tell them, ’It is the Passover sacrifice to the LORD, who passed over the houses of the Israelites in Egypt and spared our homes when he struck down the Egyptians.’ “ Then the people bowed down and worshiped.

Exodus 12:25-27

Go and do miracles. Go to places where real miracles happen in the name of Jesus. And share your own stories of the power of God with your kids – and bring them to places where real miracles happen.

16

Live Out the Fullness of All Fullnesses of Discipleship in God – And Your Specific Calling and Timing in That

His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature, having escaped the corruption in the world caused by evil desires. For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. But whoever does not have them is nearsighted and blind, forgetting that they have been cleansed from their past sins. Therefore, my brothers and sisters, make every effort to confirm your calling and election. For if you do these things, you will never stumble, and you will receive a rich welcome into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

2 Peter 1:3-11

Live out the fullness of what it means to be a disciple today – directly under Jesus – your Master. And find the specific will of God for you for your life and for the specific time you are in right now – and do it – with joy, gladness, and expectancy – bearing much fruit to the glory of the Father.

17

Live with Passion and Zeal for God

For the eyes of the LORD range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to Him.

2 Chronicles 16:9

The best you can do before your kids is to do your best to live wholeheartedly, passionately for and with God – outliving this life with zeal, passion, obedience, and keeping the fire of your first love alive.

18

Realize you, the parents, are the primary evangelist, pastor, apostle, prophet, and teacher – representatives of God – to your kids

The primary responsibility of parenting and bringing your children to faith in Jesus is you. It’s not your Christian fellowship. At the same time – it is important for your kids if at all possible, to have great Christian fellowship where people will lead them to faith.

God is a God of generations – and He is so enthusiastic that the next generation builds on the good that has been given to the previous generation. Let the blessings flow from generation to generation.

God says:

’I am the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob’ He is not the God of the dead but of the living.”

Matthew 22:32

19

Teaching Your Kids the Power of Forgiveness and Be Sure to Stay Clear of Offense (Being Offended)

Offense: Being offended is a HUGE stumbling block. Someone didn’t treat you right. Especially someone in church leadership. What do you do? Go home and complain to your spouse and kids? They will be offended with you – and they will accuse those leaders with you.

That will create a gap between them and that church or leader. What to do – follow Matthew 18:15-20. Talk directly personally only to that person who you need to talk with about that issue. If not – you are gossiping. Please see Session 29 in this series about how to practice Matthew 18:15-20.

Forgiveness: This is one thing we did wrong especially with our daughters who grew up about 1 ½ years apart. They were often fighting, competing, nasty against each other, annoying each other and tripping each other up – mutually pushing all the buttons of the other one.

Mona grew up with 4 other siblings in a Christian home. Peter did not grow up in a Christian home and with no siblings. And the girls were girls, I was a boy. So I, Peter, left some of the upbringing and correcting to Mona.

Mona had learned that if the kids fought – they had to come out of a room holding each other’s hands and saying sorry. BUT she did not teach them about forgiveness from the heart – and trying to understand what was going on – so it wouldn’t happen again.

Now we would say – at the level of the kids – teach them about the forgiveness of Jesus, and that it is not that the other has suddenly done wrong things right, and it is not about trust, and it does not mean we do not work to stop the situation from repeating (boundaries and loving accountability).

But it is about letting the judgment go – and loving and blessing them.

20

Keep Learning

Keep learning and growing as humans and parents. God the Father is the best parent. Learn from Him :-).

Let’s Go, Parents. We Can Do This with the Help of God!

Prayer

Prayer of blessing over all parents – who are and who will be.

Humility to repent, say sorry, and change. All arrows point at us first – to change.

So help us God and we need to wake up and make the decisions necessary to change!